I have been thinking about what effect we, as parents, really do have on our children. Parents have always been concerned for the welfare of their kids, but it seems that more and more parents are becoming very anxious, even frantic, that they have to raise their children perfectly...or else. Like there's some magical place where if you have done enough, you can guarantee that they will be president, and along with that, an inherent assumption that if you don't do enough for your kids they are going to turn out badly.
Has this always been the case, or is it a product of our modern society?

Think about it:

Back in the day, food was set on the table, usually meat and potatoes where I lived, and either you ate when it was there or you didn't eat. Mother did not have the time to spend hovering over every bite taken, every fruit rainbow, or whether the veggies were served as little boats with cheese triangle sails. Oh, no. The food was set out, then cleared off, end of story.

Back then, preschool was three kids in the neighborhood who met at your house for songs, coloring and graham crackers. Now preschools are hotly contested, waiting-list-since-you-were-born schools with grade-school curiculum.

Back then, physical fitness was a matter of opening the door and letting your kids roam through the neighborhood. Now it's structured playdates, competitive sports clubs...or just video games.


Maybe it's partly a byproduct of our mobile society, where most people are no longer raising their children in the same neighborhoods where they grew up, and there is less of a built-in parent support system. Maybe it's partly because people are having less children they are more vested, and anxious, that the ones they have turn out well. Are we more competitive? Or maybe it is because we have more and more mothers of our generation who have had careers before children, bring the micromanaging home and feel the need to manage their children into greatness. I don't know.

I admit, I find myself making mountains out of molehills when it comes to my children, but I was talking to a colleague of mine who put it into perspective for me. She said, "Think about all those people who come from the slums, from adversity and horrific circumstances that no child should have to live in, and they rise to greatness. Then think about all those we know who had loving, committed parents and still turned their lives into a mess." The point is, there are no guarantees in parenting. There is nothing you can do which will guarantee that your child will or will not do certain things. So why are we so sure that if we do "enough" we can make them turn out well?

Obviously, I am not arguing that we as parents stop trying. I believe that it is our most important job we will EVER do, to raise up a child in the way they should go. And I believe that it should take our best efforts. But I also believe that there is a certain aire of panic surrounding parenting nowadays that is unwarranted and only serves to discourage parents who rarely feel like they are doing "enough." We try so hard because we love our kids, but really, all we can do is try. I hope that you stop and remember that it's not going to ruin your child if they don't start violin when they're three, get into the best preschool or eat leafy greens for every meal. It'll be ok. We all turned out ok, and for the most part, so will our kids.

Relax, you are doing enough.

Posted by Laura at 8:14 PM | 5 comments  

I've been watching vintage Sesame Street with my little girl. Most of the good oldies are on youtube. This was one of my favorites and she loves it too. Did you watch this one when you were little?

Posted by Laura at 8:25 PM | 3 comments  

So admit it, you eat your kid's Halloween candy. I knew it. We all do. This year we had a particularly large haul, in fact, I think the candy overwhelmed my kids, since I NEVER buy candy.

In our house, they have free reign of the candy for a few days, and then the rest goes with daddy to work and we move on. This year, however, there is so much that they could hardly put a dent in it. My kids sorted it by type, color, and chocolate/not chocolate. I'm so glad I have organized kids. It was also very sweet to see my son trade my daughter his suckers and smartees for all her chocolate, since she's lactose intolerant and can't have any of that. He would say, "I like these, but they don't have milk, so I'll give them to Sissy." Sweet boy.

So, now for the best part: what do you look forward to nibbling out of their bags? My favorites are Butterfingers, especially those new Crispy ones, Kit Kat (you can tell I have a thing for the wafers) and Almond Joy. What do you dive for when the candy comes rolling in?

Posted by Laura at 1:49 PM | 2 comments  

I have mixed feelings about this election. No one knows the results yet. But I think that this election will be historic, for sure. I have been pleased to see so many people start to care about issues and try to get informed and feel like their vote will count. The apathy that our country had slipped into was really a sad and scary thing. But the emotionally charged issues have also brought out the ugliness in people too. On the news are stories about people expressing their freedom of speech in appropriate ways, and it ends in fist fights or property destruction. I had a bumper sticker ripped off my car and yard signs stolen.

I have been using most of my discretionary time volunteering with a campaign that is very important to me, so we've been out rallying and being involved. I thought about shielding my son from all this, especially the hate. But I finally decided that it was a great teaching moment. I wanted him to see that his mom and dad stand up for what we believe, even if it 's hard. I think it has been a good lesson. He understands how lucky we are to live in a country where we get to choose, and I have really been glad for the election to be so many teachable moments for my kids.

That said, frankly, I will be SO glad when it's all done. Almost every commercial on tv has been for prop this or prop that, it's all anyone talks about wherever you turn, it's overload and I'm so tired of it, lets just get it over with! Hope you voted!

Posted by Laura at 11:44 AM | 0 comments  

Let me introduce you to my kids: there’s my six-year-old son, strapping first-born boy who is all about legos, transformers and keeping his little sister away from his things. My two-year-old daughter is a loud, stubborn, good-thing-she’s-so-cute kind of tornado who likes babies, making messes and teasing her brother. My kids are just shy of four years apart, and the age span plus the different genders makes it so that they rarely ever get along when it comes to playing. He’s at the “make intricate city models” stage and she’s at the “knock down everything in sight” stage. It’s not been a good combination. I have tried and tried to get them to cooperate, or at the very least, play in the same room for more than six seconds before the screaming and/or hitting starts. This sibling thing has been really hard!

I think it may be because my son remembers when it was just mommy and him, and he remembers being unceremoniously dethroned as king of the house when little sissy arrived. It just always seems like he has just never gotten used to the idea of her, much less the actual little pistol that she is. My thoughtful and careful boy resented and pushed away his tiny sister, and is now reaping what he sowed because my little princess is a screaming, hitting fire cracker (let’s see how many euphemisms for “she’s mean!” I can use in one paragraph). Some of it is her age, I know. Two-and –a-half is a hard age. I have tried various tactics and read books about getting rid of sibling fights, but it’s still sometimes a war zone around here.
The difference in ages and genders of my kids makes it so that they have very different ideas of what is fun to play, and since there is only one mommy, I have had to come up with some creative combinations of games to play when they both want mommy to play with them. We have played “picnicking barbies discover evil transformers in the woods.” We’ve played “mommy and daddy train take their family on a ride and fall off the tracks and need the help of the special heavy machinery.” It’s funny.

Just recently, my two kids have actually started to play with each other, of their own free will and choice, and it doesn’t even always end in hurting/crying/yelling. I sit and listen to them, hoping that the cooperation keeps going, willing them to keep enjoying each other. I have found a few toys that can get them both interested at the same time. Trains and the farm set are ones they have been able to play together with, and it’s so nice.

What has been the hardest thing you’ve had to deal with about siblings? Do you have any peace-keeping strategies you can share with us? Share!

Posted by Laura at 12:05 PM | 2 comments  

Hi. You don't know me. Well, then again, maybe you do. I live in apartment three, and I am sure that after spending week after week cleaning up after the seed pod bombs that my children throw on the sidewalk (which, incidently, I tried my hardest to get out, sorry), sidewalk chalk, stray legos and bouncy balls, picked flowers, bulldozed dirt from the flower beds onto the sidewalk, etc, maybe you do know me.

Anyway, I have one tiny request. You know that huge weed, the one about five feet tall that is growing between my kitchen window and the four air conditioning units and driveway that are just outside my window? Yeah, you know the one.

Well, I have fallen in love with this weed. I've watched it grow big and strong and green surrounded by only stucco, cement and metal (there's a metaphor for overcoming trials in there somewhere). Now, instead of looking out my window into the concrete jungle, where all I could see were the air conditioners, asphalt and my elderly neighbor's shutters, now I get to see sprays of bright green leaves that sway when the fans are on out there. There's a katydid and a grasshopper that often sit on the highest branches and nibble on the leaves. I watch them as I'm washing the dishes, and even though I still hate washing the dishes, that plant has made it ever-so-slightly less terrible.

Yes, I know it is a weed, but hey, if you were going to pull it out you would have before it got five feet high, right? So I am asking you to please, don't pull it out. It offers me a tiny bit of green in this sprawling urban humanity we call Los Angeles, and frankly it's the only one I have, since my attempts at container gardening on my porch have, well, not gone at all pleasantly.
I like the weed. Thanks for letting it grow.

Posted by Laura at 11:56 PM | 0 comments  

Today I have been thinking about my hands. Now, there are many things about my hands that I don't like...mostly the fact that they are chubby man hands with not the slightest hint of dainty feminism that one could want, although my clumsiness and my love of cooking combined have not helped this situation with innumerable burns, cuts and sundry scars. I also don't like the fact that my fingernails are perfectly flat from side to side ( I mean it) and so thin that I can bend them without breaking them. But these were not the things about my hands that I have been thinking about (um, until now). The thing that I have been thinking about something I like about my hands : the fact that I am left-handed.
Let's look at the facts of being left-handed. Statistics show that about seven to ten percent of the general population is left-handed. However, of that ten percent, only twenty percent are female. So...only (at best) two percent of the population are left-handed females. Look at me, I'm a minority! There should be a scholarship. In fact, I've always liked being left-handed because I felt it made me unique, although two percent of the population is still a lot of people, as far as handedness goes, it's the most rare combo.

Left-handed people have a lot of things going for them: first of all, the latest research shows that people become left handed in the womb. In most baby brains, the left hemisphere grows more rapidly than the right, establishing it as the more dominant sphere (and I hope we all know that left hemisphere dominant means right handed, yes? OK, moving on). But in left-handed people, the hemispheres grow more equally, thus making lefties more adept at using both halves of their brains...ergo, left-handed people are, statistically, smarter! Hooray for me, I'm smart, statistically speaking, of course! Now, there are exceptions and variations to every rule, but as a population we lefties have the advantage of using more of our brain.

But, there are many drawbacks to being left-handed. First of all is the writing. Enter a classroom with rows and rows of chairs with those little half-desks attached to the, what, right side of the desk, and try to wrench your body around so you can write on it, thus making you face the wall or gangly, pimply boy sitting in the row next to you, who will see this as a sign of your sincere devotion and follow you around for weeks. Then, if you actually get to a position where writing is possible, you will drag your hand over everything that you just wrote, smudging what was undoubtedly you finest work, into obscurity. Ah, that all lefties could just write Arabic...
And then there's the implements: scissors, potato peelers, fancy chef's knives, computer mouses, golf clubs, the list is endless of things that are made specifically for the right-handed majority. Even the way door knobs and bathroom stall doors are attached are usually favoring the right-handed majority. This does have advantages for the resourceful youth who, like me, insisted to my parents that I could not POSSIBLY be put upon to peel potatoes, since I am at SUCH a disadvantage as the render my efforts fruitless. And the best part was, it was true and actually worked! Most things are just easier to learn how to do right-handed, like use a mouse and cut with scissors (which I do right-handed).

Even with all the little nuisances, I really like being a leftie. What do you like about yourself?

Posted by Laura at 7:34 PM | 2 comments